At Elevé Therapy & Co, we focus on helping clients increase their self-esteem by untangling themselves from external validation, healing old trauma wounds, and living more authentically and wholeheartedly.
01. Academic or Achievement-Based Self-Esteem
Were you the 'straight A' student in school? Are you now a hardworking dedicated professional in your adult life? Do you measure your internal worth on your external accomplishments?
If you relate to these experiences, you're certainly not alone. Many people connect their self-esteem directly to their achievements, and this is consistently reinforced by society throughout their lifetime. If you were praised for success at a young age, you've likely built your worth based on what you do rather than who you are.
Unfortunately, this 'conquest for more' creates a difficult problem. The more you achieve, the more you want to achieve. And no matter how successful you are, you raise your standards. The work never feels done.
In therapy, we work on this kind of self-esteem by:
- understanding where this pressure originated from (family, culture, etc.)
- learning new ways to define your worth beyond grades or concrete accomplishments
- managing perfectionism and tending to the deep pressure to overachieve
- encouraging intrinsic motivation over external validation
02. Body Image and Appearance-Based Self-Esteem
We're all vulnerable to feeling scrutinized by rigid cultural beauty standards. Unfortunately, in many ways, our society hinges on people feeling insecure about how they look- it literally drives the sales of many products and services.
Maybe you believe that changing some specific part of your body- being skinner, having more youthful skin, fixing your nose- will make you feel better about yourself. While feeling good about how you look can translate to more confidence, the positive effects tend to be fleeting. Furthermore, true self-esteem transcends physical appearance. If you have deeply negative beliefs about yourself, it's unlikely that making external changes will improve that.
In therapy, we work on these self-esteem challenges by:
- dismantling the concept of tying self-esteem to physical appearance
- processing emotions related to rigid societal or cultural beauty standards
- treating body dysmorphic disorder, eating disorders, or other coexisting mental health challenges
- learning how to build a healthy relationship with your body independent of how it looks
03. Professional Self-Esteem
The workplace can feel overwhelming for people with low self-esteem. For example, maybe you feel like an imposter at work, no matter how much expertise or training you have. Or maybe you struggle with setting boundaries with your boss or coworkers, fearing that having limits will make you unlikeable or 'too weak.'
In therapy, we can focus on strengthening greater self-esteem at work by:
- acknowledging your inherent work-related skills and strengths
- overcoming your imposter syndrome and addressing your fears of professional failure
- identifying when and where boundaries may need to be implemented
- exploring career options, particularly if you feel unsatisfied or underappreciated in your current role
04. Self-Esteem for Perfectionists
What lies underneath most perfectionism? It's typically having a deep fear that, no matter how much work you put in, it still won't be enough. And if you make a mistake, others will see you for the fraud you may believe you really are. Perfectionism also often coincides with cycles of negative thinking- you don't feel worthy enough as you are, so you focus on how well you can produce or perform.
In therapy, unpacking perfectionism often entails:
- addressing burnout and the fear of failure associated with perfectionism
- encouraging more self-compassion on a regular basis
- redefining what success means to you and learning how to embrace making mistakes
- challenging self-criticism and harnessing your inherent value as a human being
- treating underlying mental health issues reinforcing perfectionism or low self-worth
05. Professional, Performance-Based, or Creative Self-Esteem
Artists, athletes, creatives, and entrepreneurs often face difficult roadblocks throughout their careers. Maybe you feel like you're constantly comparing your success to others. Maybe criticism leaves you feeling completely shattered, even if you logically know it's impossible to please everyone. Perhaps you're successful, but your overall well-being is completely contingent on staying successful, resulting in your self-esteem feeling incredibly fragile.
If you relate to these difficulties, therapy may help you:
- address fears of judgment and work through difficult creative blocks
- challenge negative thoughts related to self-doubt or inferiority
- develop a more realistic sense of self that's separate from your professional identity
- practice more self-care to maintain a sense of balance and peace in daily life
FAQs
Self-esteem exists on a large continuum, but many people develop low self-esteem early in life. If you had a critical caregiver- or a caregiver who tended to only praise you when you were doing well- you may be more likely to experience low self-esteem.
Self-esteem problems also correlate with numerous mental health conditions, including depression, anxiety disorders, addiction issues, and more. Finally, certain life circumstances- especially traumatic ones- can affect self-esteem.
Therapy for self-esteem is multifaceted, but it largely focuses on expanding your self-awareness, harnessing your inherent positive qualities, and embracing more self-respect. A mental health professional is trained to notice negative thought patterns or potentially harmful behaviors.
From there the "work" of therapy often includes strengthening your capacity to engage in self-compassion (the ability to treat yourself with kindness and love) and live more in alignment with your values. Personal growth starts by taking small steps- this is why we encourage clients to make realistic goals, even when self-doubt or setbacks occur. This approach is empowering, allowing you to build resilience, even if you don't necessarily feel confident or motivated.
Our therapists largely pull from humanistic therapy and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). These two modalities emphasize themes of self-compassion and truly embracing who you are. We focus on values over perfection and help clients recognize their intrinsic value (rather than their external achievements).
ACT helps people understand how to better relate to their negative thoughts and complex emotions in a more balanced way. Instead of trying to eliminate them, you'll learn how to implement more mindfulness, curiosity, and compassion, creating more space for self-confidence.
Healthy self-esteem reflects a general sense of self-acceptance. These individuals feel grounded in who they are- they can value themselves for their unique strengths and life experiences.
It is important to know that self-esteem doesn't necessarily correlate with having an easier life. You can still have good self-esteem and sometimes struggle with negative self-perception. For instance, you may not always like everything you say or do. You may also struggle with difficult emotions or have some negative core beliefs.
However, when self-esteem is intact, you know how to practice self-care, and you strive to prioritize your well-being in everyday life. When setbacks happen, you can bounce back and learn from your mistakes or hardships.
Underlying insecurities drive narcissistic behaviors, and those with narcissistic tendencies need excessive validation to feel good enough. Their self-worth is contingent on how others perceive and react to them.
However, people with healthy self-esteem do not necessarily need to compare themselves to others to prove their superiority. They know they have inherent worth and don't attempt to control or overpower others to meet their needs.
Sometimes, they are, but many people mask low self-esteem, hiding it with perfectionism, overachievement, or a facade of confidence.
You truly can't always tell when someone else is struggling. At the same time, others may hold you in very high regard even if you don't perceive yourself that positively. While this can be validating, it can also exacerbate feelings of loneliness and shame.
Therapy for Self-Esteem in San Diego, CA
Elevé Therapy & Co is a modern group therapy practice specializing in self-esteem concerns, including perfectionism, burnout, and anxiety. We also have a specialized niche in women's mental health and creatives/entrepreneurs.
Our experienced therapists provide online services for adults seeking support for increasing self-esteem and improving their overall life satisfaction. While there are no quick fixes, we focus on helping clients clarify their self-image and replace negative thoughts with more compassionate ones. Subsequently, through this work, people strengthen their psychological flexibility and feel more confident with themselves and others.
Contact us today to get started.