At Elevé Therapy & Co, we help individuals struggling with perfectionist tendencies understand the root causes of their behaviors and develop strategies to find more balance, wellness, and self-acceptance.
01. Achievement-Oriented Perfectionism
Do you hyperfocus on your academics, career, or professional success? Maybe you have an immense fear of failure and connect your self-worth to your external achievements. Or maybe you're struggling with burnout due to your impossibly high standards.
Those who experience achievement-oriented perfectionism often resonate with the relentless pursuit of professional success. It's like there is a motor inside that never stops moving. You feel like you need to go, go, go, and the idea of stopping or even slowing down can feel threatening.
In therapy, we can help you with this struggle by:
- untangling your internal worth from external validation or external successes
- further exploring the negative consequences associated with working too much or working too hard
- learning how to set realistic goals that honor your desire to achieve excellence without feeling consumed by perfectionism
- treating the underlying mental health concerns that may be exacerbating achievement-oriented perfectionistic tendencies
02. Appearance-Oriented Perfectionism
Do you feel excessively preoccupied by your body image or overall physical appearance? Maybe you worry about being rejected due to how you look. There may also be co-occurring struggles with disordered eating or body dysmorphia.
In therapy, we help individuals experiencing this perfectionistic struggle by:
- exploring negative thought patterns about your physical appearance and connecting how they impact your well-being
- cultivating a deeper appreciation for your body and what it can do rather than how it looks
- strengthening coping skills to manage stress/anxiety around your physical appearance
03. Health-Oriented Perfectionism
Of course, it's important to look after your physical health, but what happens when trying to take care of yourself feels like an obsession with wellness or fitness? Do you experience anxiety when you deviate from a specific exercise or eating routine? Do you relate to struggles surrounding orthorexia or compulsive exercise tendencies?
People with health-oriented perfectionism spend excessive time and energy trying to achieve optimal physical well-being. While it may seem like a worthwhile pursuit, it may leave little room for making mistakes, being human, or even accepting things beyond your control.
Therapy can treat health-oriented perfectionism by:
- exploring core beliefs contributing to health-oriented perfectionism and understanding the emotional roots that may be creating the desire for control
- practicing more self-compassion in everyday life
- enhancing psychological flexibility, allowing you to deviate from your routine or rules when needed
- cultivating healthier coping mechanisms for managing underlying emotions or needs
FAQs
Perfectionism is complex and stems from various environmental and genetic factors. With that, it's unlikely that one specific variable causes perfectionism. Instead, some of the main risk factors include:
- childhood trauma, including emotional neglect
- having one or more caregivers who were hyper focused on success
- cultural norms associated with high standards and a strong work ethic
- certain types of competitive environments (i.e. rigorous schools, competitive sports)
- low self-esteem
- co-occurring anxiety disorders
- experiencing love that felt conditional as a child, having parents with perfectionistic tendencies, living in a culture where high standards are the norm
Many perfectionists tend to have high self-awareness. They generally recognize that they hold themselves to high standards, and they know they don't like making mistakes. Many are also overly self-critical in numerous settings, including at home, work, school, and in relationships.
However, you may not think there's anything problematic with your thought patterns or behavior. It may really seem like you "have" to be this way in order to get things done or secure approval. Even if you're holding yourself to unattainable standards, you may reason that, if others are doing it, there's no reason you shouldn't do it, too.
With that, perfectionism can also be subtle. For example, some people chronically procrastinate. While this may not seem like a symptom of perfectionism, it can be. If you're so afraid of getting it wrong, you struggle to start something at all. Perfectionism can also show up in other avoidance behaviors. You may, for instance, struggle to commit to relationships because you're focused on finding the "perfect" person or the timing being perfect.
First things first- absolutely nothing is wrong with you! Perfectionism is an adaptive mechanism that's rooted in good intentions. We're all wired to want to succeed and improve our chances of survival- this is some of the essence of what it means to be human.
Unfortunately, perfectionism comes with some steep costs. It can truly feel like nothing you do is good enough, no matter how hard you try. The fear of failure or rejection may be holding you back at work or in your relationships. You may also become so obsessed with personal growth that you can't relax or enjoy the present moment.
Furthermore, perfectionistic behaviors are personally demanding and often exacerbate mental health issues like depression, anxiety, PTSD, eating disorders, and more. When there's a constant need to do or have more, it's hard to enjoy what you already have.
First, it's important to focus on strengthening your self-awareness.Your therapist will help you gain insight into where your perfectionism originated. They will also explore how it is serving you and how it is negatively impacting you. You will unpack some of the fears associated with letting go of your realistic goals.
Many clients fear that addressing their perfectionism means lowering their standards or diminishing their professional productivity. They also worry that overcoming perfectionism means they'll somehow become too relaxed or too lazy. These are entirely valid fears, but therapy is less focused on "fixing" or "changing" you and more about embracing self-acceptance and balance.
While high standards can be positive, perfectionistic tendencies are built on a deep fear of failure and a cruel inner voice. Therapy focuses on cultivating more self-compassion and building emotional resilience.
Like most deeply-rooted traits, overcoming perfectionism is a process. Our therapists largely pull from acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), humanistic therapy, and Kristin Neff's extensive research on self-compassion.
ACT emphasizes the concept of psychological flexibility, helping you shift away from rigid standards and toward a more values-driven life. This entails embracing deeper values exploration and making necessary changes to ensure you're living more authentically. Humanistic therapy deeply focuses on maintaining a non-judgmental space where you can freely explore your feelings and needs.
Finally, self-compassion work helps individuals increase their overall well-being by embracing more self-kindness, practicing more mindfulness, and recognizing that you're wholeheartedly and imperfectly human. These modalities all promote resilience and support balance and wellness.
Therapy for Perfectionism in San Diego, California
Elevé Therapy & Co is a modern group therapy practice specializing in supporting clients with perfectionism and its intersection with low self-esteem, anxiety, burnout, and more. We understand how insidiously perfectionism can fuse with certain identities. You may not really know who you are outside of what you achieve.
The good news is that it’s entirely possible to untangle yourself from your perfectionist thinking. We are here to help you break free from impossible standards and live more authentically. We offer a variety of convenient online therapy services for individuals living throughout California.
Please contact us today to schedule an initial consultation.